I am the mighty Trash Panda!
Look upon me and despair!
While your human bodies suffer
I dumpster dive without a care
The Cornucopia overfloweth…
Nectar of the Gods!
Moo Goo Gai Pan
Beef Lo Mein
Falls like rain!
From your garbage can I take
Donut holes and chocolate cake
Breaded fish sticks
Old Ho Hos
Bacon grease fried collard greens
Licorice flavored jelly beans
A rancid beer soaked Coney dog
Mustard covered peanut log
Week old chili
All those things you throw away
when your heartburn makes you pay
I lap in luxury
in the dark
Your doggies yappin’
Bark! Bark! Bark!
You’re locked inside your bathroom cell
Liquid fire from your arse
Too much bloody Taco Bell
Your hemorrhoids now a fiery hell!!!
But as for me…
All is well
Oyez! Let me have the floor!
Let this Ringtail gripe and grieve
You humans built a paradise
AND ALL THE SUDDEN… WANT TO LEAVE?!?
The Corporation Gods of Babel
Engineered your Manna well
Soy and corn
and Xantham Gum
All those letters…
A through Z
Ge-net-i-cal-ly altered crops
Triple gene spliced barley hops
Pesticides sprayed on your soil
Tuna packed in soybean oil
Red Dye 3
Burn WHOLEWHEAT in effigy!
Chemist Labs have set you free
Now, all the sudden? you’re not grateful?
Suddenly, you take a stand?
On and on, you bitch and moan
Complaining in that haughty tone…
“We should think about our future,
Let’s all go back to the land!”
No white sugar
Let’s buy local,
on the map,
Grade C Amber,
CORPORATIONS… SELL US CRAP!”
WHOA! there, Nellie! Stop, now… HALT!
The Devil prob’ly, is at fault
Now, listen to my plea, Mankind
Did you all just lose your mind?
Let this Raccoon set you straight
This “health fad” thing’s… not so great
I know it hurts to die of cancer
Sorry, Granddad’s mind is gone
So sad, that Sis’s liver failed
PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTIES ON!
Wipe your tears, and trudge along
It’s true! the human soul’s immortal
Hell or Heaven… for to win
Processed foods cause untold misery
And gluttony’s a mortal sin
But Dammit, man! Don’t be so selfish!
Build that Food-Pharm-Factory
We don’t want no Wholegrain Bullshit…
Let us have our MSG!!!
Loe, this onely haue I found, that God hath made man vpright: but they haue sought out many inuentions.
Ecclesiastes 7:29 (Holy Bible 1611)